Twas the night before Christmas and Santa is wrecked
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they called themselves.
And work conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had gone in the middle of the night
released to the wild, by Animal rights.
The equality commission had made it quite clear,
that Santa could not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, were retired for the trip
And replaced with a cat and mouse, get a grip
The runners were removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because health and safety had had their say
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises on their roof tops.
To show you the strangeness of today’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf suing -unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to the courts, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in compensation.
So...half of the reindeer were gone, then his wife
suddenly said she’d enough of this life,
took up yoga, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.
And as for gifts...why, he’d never the notion
that making a choice could cause such a commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing that fired or made lots of noise.
Nothing just girls and nothing just boys.
Nothing that won’t rot away and degrade
Nothing that’s plastic or only man made
No chocolate or sweets...they’re bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seems to embellish the truth.
so fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
No rugby, no football...kids might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed them to dirt.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled and perplexed,
he just couldn’t figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry but he wasn’t OK,
he really was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, flat on the ground,
nothing acceptable just could be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to all, not anger the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
every one, ...even you!
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth...
“May you all keep well and enjoy peace on Earth.”